Answer questions “YES or NO”. Keep count of your “YES” answers.
If unsure of yes or no your answer should probably be yes.
- I am in a significant relationship with someone who is addicted to a substance or a behavior, or someone who is depressed.
- I feel responsible for almost everybody and everything, but I felt guilty much of the time.
- I can’t say “no” without feeling guilty.
- I can accurately “read” other people by analyzing their facial expressions and tone of voice.
- I try very hard to please people, but I seldom feel that I measure up.
- I feel that I have to protect people, especially the addicted or depressed person in my life.
- I live in such a way that no one can ever say I’m selfish.
- I vacillate between defending the irresponsible person and blowing up in anger at him or her.
- I often relive situations and conversations to see if I can think of some way I could have done or spoken better.
- I feel overly frightened of angry people.
- I am terribly offended by personal criticism.
- To avoid feeling guilt and shame, I seldom stand up to people who disagree with me.
- I tend to see people and situations as “all good” or “all bad.”
- Though I try to please people, I often feel isolated and alone.
- I trust people too much or not at all.
- I often try to get people I love to change their attitudes and behavior.
- I tend to believe the addicted or depressed person’s promises, even if he or she has broken countless promises before.
- Sometimes I have a lot of energy to help people, but sometimes I feel drained, depressed and ambivalent.
- I often give advice, even when it isn’t requested.
- I tend to confuse love with pity, and I tend to love those who need me to rescue them from their problems.
- I believe I can’t be happy unless others, especially the needy people in my life, are happy.
- I am often a victim in strained and broken relationships.
- I am defensive when someone points out my faults.
- My thoughts are often consumed with the troubles and needs of the addicted or depressed person in my life.
- I feel wonderful when I can fix others’ problems, but I feel terrible when I can’t.
PLEASE DON’T LOOK AT ANWERS BELOW UNTIL AFTER TAKING THE QUIZ
5 or less You have relatively healthy boundaries, confidence and wisdom in relationships. You can care about people without feeling responsible for their choices.
6-12 Your life is shaped to a significant degree by the demands of needy people in your life. You often feel responsible for the choices others make, and you try too hard to help them make the right ones. You would likely benefit from the input of a competent counselor or support group.
13 or more You have lost your sense of identity and you are consumed by the problems of people in your life. You can’t be happy unless you are rescuing irresponsible people from their destructive decisions. In reality, however, your hope for sanity and emotional health is not in that person to persons getting well. You have to take steps to get well whether that person does or not. Find a counselor or support group to help you gain wisdom and strength