People suffering from drug or alcohol-related codependency disorders often experience themselves as being caught up in a treadmill existence. Whether or not goals are achieved there is a driven compulsion for more. An anxious feeling of incompleteness or emptiness remains no matter what is accomplished. Health problems may also exist: migraine headaches, gastrointestinal disturbances, colitis, ulcers, high blood pressure, and many other high stress-related physical illnesses. Stress related illness is not “only in your head.” It is stress-induced physical alteration of the body. It is real. Emotional problems such as depression, anxiety, insomnia, and hyperactivity may also be evident in codependent individuals. These disorders have a physical basis. They are chemical imbalances in the brain. In other words, our cognitive/emotional state impacts upon our physical being. We are a holistic mind-body system. Codependent individuals experienced a traumatically empty childhood. Their present-day relationships are empty. They attempt to use others, their mates, friends, and children, as their source of identity, self-esteem, value and well-being in an attempt to restore childhood emotional losses. Most codependent individuals are unaware that they are doing so. Having constructed a more idyllic existence, many codependent individuals are completely unaware that their childhood was troubled! From “Codependency: A Family Perspective” by Robin Norwood
People spend a lifetime searching for happiness;
looking for peace. They chase idle dreams,
addictions, religions, even other people,
hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them.
The irony is the only place they ever
needed to search was within.
Ramona L. Anderson
He awoke each morning with the desire to do right, to be a good and meaningful person, to be, as simple as it sounded and as impossible as it actually was, happy. And during the course of each day his heart would descend from his chest into his stomach. By early afternoon he was overcome by the feeling that nothing was right, or nothing was right for him, and by the desire to be alone. By evening he was fulfilled: alone in the magnitude of his grief, alone in his aimless guilt, alone even in his loneliness. I am not sad, he would repeat to himself over and over, I am not sad. As if he might one day convince himself. Or fool himself. Or convince others–the only thing worse than being sad is for others to know that you are sad. I am not sad. I am not sad. Because his life had unlimited potential for happiness, insofar as it was an empty white room. He would fall asleep with his heart at the foot of his bed, like some domesticated animal that was no part of him at all. And each morning he would wake with it again in the cupboard of his rib cage, having become a little heavier, a little weaker, but still pumping. And by the mid-afternoon he was again overcome with the desire to be somewhere else, someone else, someone else somewhere else. From “Everything Is Illuminated” by Jonathan Safran Foer
I have learned now that while those
who speak about one’s miseries usually hurt,
those who keep silence hurt more.
Sorrow and happiness are reversed reflections of each other. Each one pierces us deeply so the other can be more fully known. Only a man who has been sorrowful can truly appreciate being happy and likewise happiness opens one to know the true depth of sorrow. That is the way life is; always has been; always will be. I used to constantly be waiting for the “good times” to arrive thinking there was a point when life leveled out to be all happy and smooth sailing. Pure delusion! The best life any man has ever had was a great deal of happiness with lots of heartache and tragedy mixed in. In all of time, no man has ever had it better! To wish and hope and dream for more is to chase a mirage.
Often people attempt to live their lives backwards;
they try to have more things, or more money,
in order to do more of what they want,
so they will be happier.
The way it actually works is the reverse.
You must first be who you really are,
then do what you need to do,
in order to have what you want.
Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together (unknown). Just like a shattered vase, sometimes relationships are so broken they can’t be pieced back together. To even try can do more damage. There is one true constant: everything is impermanent and in time nothing stays the same. If a relationship works for a while and then fails that does not mean it was a failure. Saying “it didn’t work out” is untrue. It simply worked for “its time”.
Holding onto something that is dying doesn’t keep it alive.
Sometimes you just have to say your goodbyes,
dry your eyes and walk away.