Human nature is very complex. Men have learned to be strong, competitive and courageous in times of danger. History has shown that we are able to conquer our fears and reach our goals — as long as our will, conviction and desire are present. Mankind has overcome the hardships of war and natural disasters. Yet there is one natural fear that seems to overshadow most men: the fear of rejection. This instinctive emotion paralyzes and hinders us from doing the things we really want to do, including meeting women. Some men are so afraid of rejection that they would rather run through a minefield than walk up to a woman and ask her out on a date. The need to feel desirable and part of a group is inevitable, and some people will place themselves in extreme circumstances just to preserve that feeling of belonging. …there is a very simple way to overcome this crippling emotion: Develop a greater fear of regret. My father hit the nail on the head when he told me that I wouldn’t regret the times that I made a complete fool of myself, but rather the times that I didn’t try something out of fear. I learned that valuable lesson way back in my early 20s. I had a crazy crush on this sweet girl, but I was too concerned with rejection to ask her out. A few years later, I bumped into her at a friend’s party and found out that she also used to have a thing for me. I finally let her know that I’d had a crush on her, to which she replied, “Why didn’t you do or say anything?” Of course, it was too late because she had already gotten married. Most men fear rejection because it lowers their self-esteem. But there is really no reason to lose any confidence when women say “no” because they aren’t really rejecting you. How could they be rejecting you when they don’t even know what you’re all about? The important thing to remember is that no one in this world can appeal to everyone’s tastes. Each woman has her preferences, so if she rejects you, it just means that you don’t fit the description of what she desires. If you think that women who reject your drink offers or date requests are frightening, you don’t know what true rejection is about. Once a man sees what true rejection is, he realizes how childish it is to fear approaching unfamiliar women. True rejection occurs when a woman rejects a man with whom she has spent a considerable amount of time. It is the ultimate rejection because the man is dismissed due to his all-around identity. From an article by Curt Smith http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith/19_dating_advice.html
As I look back on my life,
I realize that every time
I thought I was being rejected
from something good,
I was actually being
re-directed to something better.
There are many theories on why people have trouble showing affection, and also cultural studies on how different groups show affection. Some theories suggest that such gestures of affection are often determined by our degree of nurturance as children.. In families or cultures where affection is common, people will more commonly show affection. Others also suggest a gender difference, especially in many Western cultures, between showing affection to boys and girls. Girls may receive more affection than boys, especially when they are emotionally distressed. Boys, alternately, may be told when they seek affection, such as when they are injured, to toughen up. Even though we think we’ve shed these gender differences, evidence to the contrary is available in a variety of studies; we are still harder on boys. This can matter a lot when boys and girls grow up, because girls will expect a higher degree of affection than boys, who have been nurtured to give less. Women will claim their husbands have trouble showing affection, and men may actually complain that their wives show too much. There are other reasons why people may have difficulty showing affection. People who have experienced sexual or physical abuse may find it very difficult to receive or give affection, even very simple things like a caress or hug. For these folks, touching itself has become a violation of self, and they don’t want to receive touching, or give it and possibly be considered as abusers too. More simply, some children are just less acclimatized to affection than others. Parents can love their children but have trouble showing affection to each other or to children. http://www.wisegeek.org/why-do-some-people-have-trouble-showing-affection.htm
Do not be afraid of showing your affection.
Be warm and tender, thoughtful and affectionate.
Men are more helped by sympathy, than by service;
love is more than money, and a kind word
will give more pleasure than a present.
It’s perfectly normal to be self-conscious at times and to a point it’s part of a balanced and healthy view of one’s self. However, for many who bear weak esteem issues, self-consciousness sometimes becomes an almost paralyzing preoccupation. On those occasions an avalanche of thoughts can bury a person: “Am I dressed right? My hair looks bad doesn’t it? Are my clothes OK? Will they be able to tell how uncomfortable I am? I have no idea what to say. What if I made a fool of myself? Maybe I’ll just stay home and not go out.” Casually thinking one or two of those thoughts from time to time is normal. Thinking them all (and more) at the same time is not. A saying that helps me when I get all stirred up with that type of stinkin’ thinkin’ is “what you think of me is none of my business”. It’s not an instant cure but used regularly it can help push away overly self-conscious thoughts.
Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities
No doubt crept in,
Forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day,
you shall begin it well and serenely…
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Rejection is protection is a quote I read for the first time not long ago. Those words stunned me with their simplicity and truth. Never has such a thought occurred to me. The word ‘reject’ previously always had a negative meaning. I never considered before that being cast off or discarded might have a sliver lining. Alan Cohen wrote People think there is one mate, or one house, or one job they must have, and if they don’t get it, they are ruined. That’s ridiculous! No one person, place, or company is the source of your good. Life is the source of your good… The game board is much bigger than you realize. Well said!
I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear
to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.