HE MUST FEEL SAFE: What will get a man over the speed bumps and into the home stretch? He has to trust you. He has to know that all that fear and confusion and uncertainty will land him in a SAFE place. Everyone wants to feel safe, right? You can help him feel safe by giving him every reason to trust you. Give him every reason to feel comfortable with you. Listen to him talk. Share parts of your life with him. Offer a listening ear when he needs it. Share your thoughts and feelings – within reason, of course. The closer you get, the more comfortable he will feel. The more comfortable he is, the safer he will feel. Soon he will be sharing everything he feels with you. That fear will gradually fade away. http://relationshipabode.wordpress.com/2011/12/24/why-men-hide-their-feelings/
Don’t ever play
with someone’s feelings,
you could win the game
but you could lose
that person forever.
THEIR EMOTIONAL BONDS TAKE LONGER: Men tend to take much longer than women to get in touch with their emotions. That’s why a woman is often ready to go full-speed-ahead and he is stalling like mad! It isn’t that he’s stalling. He just really isn’t there yet. This can quickly become a problem! One of the worst things you can do is push things at this stage. A man has to come around to the idea on his own. He has to believe it was HIS idea to get emotionally involved with you. By pushing him for a commitment before he’s ready, he will go back to being scared. That’s not good for anybody. This is the time when patience REALLY is the key. If his emotions are not there yet, sit back and give him a bit more time. Don’t worry about the question of whether he is stalling to stay out of a relationship. If he is doing that, he will never move forward. You will recognize it! But if he is moving forward – just at a slower pace than you might like – he’s still in the game. That bond WILL form. Take a deep breath and be patient. It might happen sooner than you think! http://relationshipabode.wordpress.com/2011/12/24/why-men-hide-their-feelings/
Life is to short to hide feelings.
So don’t be afraid to tell people
how you feel. You never know if
they have the same feelings.
THEY GET SCARED: What if a man knows he is falling in love? What if he is overwhelmed by those emotions but he KNOWS what they are? What if he’s not confused at all? Then he’s simply scared. This is one reason that everyone can understand. Falling in love is scary, even if you KNOW what you’re doing! Falling in love is a life-changing event. It changes a person on a very deep level. Is it any wonder that it scares men half to death? That’s why he needs your patience. You can’t wait forever, but you can cut him a little bit of slack. Everybody gets scared. He’s going to get scared, too. And that’s okay. The catch is this: Do NOT let him think that it is okay to STAY scared. Sometimes a man will try to avoid moving into a deeper relationship by saying he is scared of those overwhelming feelings. He might ask for more time. This is okay to a point. But always recognize it as a POSSIBLE stalling tactic. If you think he is stalling, it is time to draw back. Give him a taste of missing you. THEN he will have to move forward. A man can get over being scared if he is scared of losing you! http://relationshipabode.wordpress.com/2011/12/24/why-men-hide-their-feelings/
THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY FEEL: Think about falling in love. Really think about it for a minute. It is exhilarating. It can make you feel so alive! It can make you smile even in your sleep. But let’s be honest: falling in love is often scary, too. It’s scary because the emotions are so intense and so overwhelming that it’s hard to sort them all out. It can be so confusing to fall in love. If you don’t understand what you feel, your natural instinct is to hide from those feelings. If you see something you don’t like, your natural instinct is to shield your eyes. If you taste something you don’t like, your instinct is to spit it out! That’s a pretty graphic example, but you get the picture. When a man is afraid of his emotions, the first thing he does is trying to hide them away in a little closet far away from his heart. Getting over this reason to hide his feelings takes time. It takes some courage, too. But he can do it with plenty of reassurance from you. The more open you are, the more likely he will eventually talk about what he feels. And once he’s talking about it, he will understand it. http://relationshipabode.wordpress.com/2011/12/24/why-men-hide-their-feelings/
Feelings are not
supposed to be logical.
Dangerous is the man
who has rationalized
Love, and especially passionate love, should have a place in our life, but its nature and extent may vary in light of external circumstances. People should search for it at the beginning of a relationship; marrying out of compromise may lead to frustration or decrease the little passion that was there. Having affairs retains passionate love, but has the disadvantage of deception. As it turns out, most people cherish the presence of passionate love in their relationship. Indeed, most people are “romantic” in the sense that they say that they would not marry a person possessing all other qualities they admired, but with whom they were not in love. In the mid-1960s men were more “romantically” oriented in this sense than woman, but some twenty years later, women were found to have grown significantly more romantic and had closed the gap with men. This may be due to the fact that women have become less dependent on the institution of marriage for their economic survival and can “afford” to marry for purely romantic reasons. These changes indicate the lesser role of external circumstances in the decision to marry a person, and a greater role for the romantic argument. By Professor of Philosophy Aaron Ben-Zeév http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/201105/i-married-because-external-circumstances
…lasting love is something
a person has to decide
to experience. It requires
what, for lack of a better term,
we can call an act of will…
Men have emotions. Women need only adjust how they listen. Men express plenty of feelings; they just do it differently than women and there’s nothing wrong with that. You know how Eskimos supposedly have 4 dozen words for snow? It’s the same thing for women and feelings. They have over 4 dozen ways to describe happy, angry, sad… When a woman says, “men need to be more sensitive and in touch with their emotions,” I hear, “men need to be more like women.” Bad idea. If women want to be with men who can talk about their feelings and daily minutia just like their best girlfriend, then why don’t they just get together with their girlfriend? Men are more solution-focused while women are process-focused. There have been numerous studies (of questionable methodology) asserting that women use more words than men per day. Recent research finds such assertions are unfounded. Men and women actually use about the same number of words a day. It’s not a matter of women being more verbal; generally speaking, we’re equally verbal. Here’s the difference: women use words to process their feelings, often wallowing in emotions without reaching resolution. Men state their feelings and use words to achieve resolution. As a collective, women have told men that not talking about feelings as much as they do makes them inadequate. Dr Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/2009/01/14/men-have-emotions-women-dont-listen/
Love is misunderstood
to be an emotion; actually,
it is a state of awareness,
a way of being in the world,
a way of seeing oneself and others.
David R. Hawkins
One of the Ten Commandments of masculinity is “Thou shall not feel”.This kind of mind-heart disconnect begins when boys are in the early years of elementary school. You’ll see kindergarten and first-grade boys bringing stuffed animals from home to comfort them amid their fear of the social demands of school. They’ll even hold hands and put their arms around other boys and girls to show affection and express joy. By second grade, male indoctrination begins. Boys are sissies if they show fear, pain or heaven forbid the most taboo expression of all: crying. For girls, that shift never really happens. Girls have the license to continue a full range of emotional expressions that is, except for one; anger. Girls get angry, of course, but it is taboo for them to express it. It is not feminine to get or express anger. This is a commandment that has caused women a world of grief into their adult lives. Ironically, anger is one of the few acceptable emotions sanctioned for boys and men to publicly express. Adapted from the book “Code Switching: How to Talk so Men will Listen” by Audrey Nelson, Ph.D. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/he-speaks-she-speaks/201102/the-expressive-trap
what little things