Male Codependence

Another person’s assessment of you is just as valid as yours—and possibly more so with respect to how you relate to other people, whether these relationships are familial, friendly, or romantic. In simple terms, people who think of themselves as nice may come off as obnoxious jerks to others, and people who think they have nothing to offer other people may be seen by others as very interesting. The point is that you don’t know as much about yourself as you think, especially with regards to how other people see you and think about you. Self-loathers may always feel inadequate, but they must remember that they’re only seeing part of the picture that other people see. Even though they may never believe that their own view might be biased, they have to accept that the part of themselves that they’re seeing may not be the most important part of themselves to others. A person’s self-perceptions are not complete and they’re not necessarily any more “right” than anyone else’s perceptions of him or her. We can learn a lot from how other people see and react to us, but we have to be willing to listen and accept what we learn, especially when it clashes with how we see ourselves. Taken from an article by Mark D. White, Ph.D. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/maybe-its-just-me/201306/do-the-self-loathing-see-the-same-self-others-do

I imagine one of the reasons
people cling to their hates
so stubbornly is because
they sense, once hate is gone,
they will be forced to
deal with pain.
James Baldwin