Male Codependence

…you are not alone.

  • About Codependent Men
  • Codependence Patterns & Characteristics
  • Codependency Self Assessment
  • Links & Books

Making the Bad Smaller

Posted by James Browning on August 31, 2013
Posted in: Anxiety, Fear, Happiness. Tagged: acceptance, changing habits, worrying too much.

good-bad-tenants-applicantsWe are all both good and bad, it is not an either/or position. The more honest we can be in acknowledging our dark side is the first step to claiming our imperfection. Ideally over time we can reduce our pile of internal bad. Think of yourself developmentally — through the age of 27 the dark side may be more than 50%. Then in our 30′s and 40′s we start chipping away at it through self-awareness so the bad gets smaller. (Ask anyone over 40 if they would start over again and the answer is likely to be “No.”) One of the goals in life is the ongoing process of making the bad smaller. Therefore, being able to tolerate bad feelings about yourself is crucial to learning and growth. One exercise to reduce anxiety is to make a list of all the “shoulds” you burden yourself with. This pile of “shoulds” is one of the ways you erase having any room to breathe. Sort out which are the “shoulds” you agree with. Years ago when I carpooled little kids to nursery school I would make a wrong turn on purpose and I was amazed at their anxiety. I would soothe them with how important mistakes are in life, because they seemed so insulated, as many suburban people are, from the notion that mistakes could be good. Our American culture feeds this point of view with the myth of success. Anxiety erupts it’s ugly head when we expect things to be a certain way. All our vacations should be sunny every day & we expect our lives to be stuffed full of happiness and certainty. Other cultures don’t have the same expectations. We can learn a lot from Asian culture, for example. Their idea of life is much more encompassing. Pain and setbacks are expected, not ignored. The reality of the complicatedness of life is more accurate. Happiness is understood to be a byproduct of life choices not an end goal. We could reduce our anxiety if we could pursue this frame of reference. From “Anxiety, Control & Codependency” by Rhoda Mills Sommer, L.C.S.W. http://therapyideas.net/anxiety.htm

If something bad happened
just do this 3 things.
First inhale,
second exhale
and third accept
that it happened.
Kenneth de Guzman

Share this:

  • Share
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Email
  • Print
  • Pinterest
  • Tumblr

Like this:

Like Loading...

Related

Posts navigation

← It’s Time
Admitting You’re Wrong →
  • Recent Posts

    • Macho Bravado and Unadulterated BS
    • Saved For Something Better
    • Living Outside Myself
    • Dysfunctional Families
    • How To End A Romance
  • Search Site

  • Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

  • Blogroll

    • Broken Hearts Anonymous
    • Good Morning Gratitude
    • Love Letter Daily
  • Archives

    • December 2016
    • November 2016
    • April 2016
    • March 2016
    • February 2015
    • November 2014
    • August 2014
    • July 2014
    • June 2014
    • May 2014
    • April 2014
    • March 2014
    • February 2014
    • January 2014
    • December 2013
    • November 2013
    • October 2013
    • September 2013
    • August 2013
    • July 2013
    • June 2013
    • May 2013
    • April 2013
    • March 2013
    • February 2013
    • January 2013
    • December 2012
    • November 2012
    • October 2012
    • September 2012
    • August 2012
    • July 2012
    • June 2012
    • May 2012
    • April 2012
    • March 2012
    • December 2011
  • Categories

    • 12 step meetings
    • Abuse
    • Accepting "what is"
    • Accurate self-view
    • Addiction
    • Aging
    • Anger
    • Anxiety
    • Appropriate Behavior
    • Asking for help
    • Boundaries
    • Caretaking
    • Change
    • Childhood
    • Choices
    • Committed relationships
    • Communication
    • Compulsion
    • Control
    • Controlling
    • Controlling Others
    • Courage
    • Denial
    • Depression
    • Destiny and fate
    • Divorce
    • Dysfunctional relationships
    • Emotions
    • Enjoyment
    • Faithfulness
    • Family of origin
    • Family problems
    • Fear
    • Feelings
    • Fighting
    • Forgiveness
    • Freedom
    • Gambling
    • Gender differences
    • Getting Better
    • Giving too much
    • Grief
    • Growth
    • Guilt
    • Happiness
    • Healing
    • Heartbreak
    • Helping others
    • Higher Power
    • Honesty
    • Imperfection
    • Infidelity
    • Intimacy
    • Jealousy
    • Judgmental
    • Learning From the Past
    • Living in "Now"
    • Loneliness
    • Love
    • Love addiction
    • Lying
    • Marriage
    • Mistakes
    • Narcissism
    • Needy
    • Not Good Enough
    • Obession
    • Old Age
    • Pain
    • Parental Abuse
    • Parenting
    • People
    • Pleasing others
    • Projection
    • Reason
    • Recovery
    • Rejection
    • relationships
    • Religion
    • Resentment
    • Respect
    • Romantic Love
    • Sad
    • Secrets
    • Seeing clearly
    • Seeing Myself Clearly
    • Self Care
    • Self Destructive
    • Self Esteem
    • Self Image
    • Selfish
    • Sex
    • Shame
    • Sorrow
    • Spaking up
    • Stress
    • Supression
    • Symptoms of codependence
    • The Future
    • The Past
    • Therapy
    • Trust
    • Truth
    • Try Again
    • Uncategorized
    • Understanding
    • Unfaithful
    • Unhealthy Relationship
    • Wants and Desires
    • Worry
  • Meta

    • Register
    • Log in
    • Entries feed
    • Comments feed
    • WordPress.com
Blog at WordPress.com.
  • Follow Following
    • Male Codependence
    • Join 195 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Male Codependence
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Copy shortlink
    • Report this content
    • View post in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...
 

You must be logged in to post a comment.

    %d bloggers like this: