Feelings and thoughts are different, but also are one and the same. They are like the head and tail of a coin. We react to events with both thoughts and feelings. Feelings are emotions, and sensations, and they are different from thoughts, beliefs, interpretations, and convictions. When difficult feelings are expressed, the sharp edges are dulled, and it is easier to release or let go of the bad feeling. If we only express our beliefs about the event and not the feelings, the bad feelings linger and are often harder to release. Whenever someone says, “I feel that…” the person is about to express a belief, not a feeling. Try to be specific rather than general about how you feel. Consistently using only one or two words to say how you are feeling, such as bad or upset, is too vague and general. What kind of bad or upset? (irritated, mad, anxious, afraid, sad, hurt, lonely, etc.). Specify the degree of the feelings, and you will reduce the chances of being misunderstood. For example, some people may think when you say, “I am angry” means you are extremely angry when you actually mean a “little irritated”. When expressing anger or irritation, first describe the specific behavior you don’t like, then your feelings. This helps to prevent the other person from becoming immediately defensive or intimidated when he first hears “I am angry with you”, and he could miss the message. by Larry Nadig,Ph.D. http://www.drnadig.com/feelings.htm
But smiles and tears
are so alike with me,
they are neither of them
confined to any particular feelings:
I often cry when I am happy,
and smile when I am sad
The first and foremost factor that needs to be understood before one gets to the treatment phase is that the person has to realize that he is facing a problem and wants to change himself. After which, depending on the intensity of the disorder, the different treatment options can be looked into. The following are the varied steps that can be taken in this direction.
* Keep your distance. At least for a short period of time till the obsessive thoughts don’t threaten to take over and you end up slipping back.
* Do away with everything that is ‘them’. Get rid of all the things that reminds you of them. When the constant reminders are done away with, it is easier to forget.
* Join an activity. Replace the time you would spend obsessing over them or keeping a tab on them by doing something else.
* Talk to friends and family and ask them to be your standby. Tell them that you’ll need their help in overcoming this pattern.
* Join a support group. If opening up to friends or family does not seem like a viable option, then there is always the option of joining certain support groups.
The only way that one can deal with this disorder is to understand that this is not the way to live. It is important that you break this vicious cycle of obsession and fixation with a person and discover and address the underlying causes that support this obsessive behavior. To have someone else in your thoughts and obsess over them leaves you weak and vulnerable, and affects your sanity and productivity. The consequent step is to consciously take up the treatment options that have been provided for and help yourself heal. By Parul Solanki http://www.buzzle.com/articles/obsessive-love-disorder.html
Love is as much of an object as an obsession,
everybody wants it, everybody seeks it,
but few ever achieve it, those who do,
will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all,
will never…never forget it.
The signs of obsessive-compulsive disorder in love include:
* Fixation with a person who they believe holds the key to their happiness and fulfillment.
* The onset of tunnel vision, where the person cannot think about anything else except possessing the other person.
* Onset of neurotic and compulsive behavior like rapid telephone calls to the lover’s place of residence or work.
* Stalking them either physically or through varied social networking mediums in order to keep tabs on them.
* When in a relationship, displaying certain telltale signs like becoming suspicious of their partner, resenting their relationships with others, accusing them of cheating…
* ‘Driveways’ around a love interest’s home or place of employment, with the goal of assuring that the person is at where he/she said they would be.
* Physical monitoring of their activities by following them throughout the course of a day to discover their daily activities and whereabouts.
* A sudden loss of self-esteem or feelings of guilt and self-hatred.
* Denial that the relationship has ended. This is usually followed by attempts to win a loved one back by making promises to change.
* The use of drugs, alcohol, food or sex to mute the emotional pain.
* Anger, rage and a desire to seek revenge against a love interest.
By Parul Solanki http://www.buzzle.com/articles/obsessive-love-disorder.html
If you wish to find yourself,
you must first admit you are lost.
The tendency to fall in an obsessive kind of love can almost always be traced back to one’s childhood and early adolescence. Factors like abandonment issues, mental or physical abuse, being neglected, being compared to one’s siblings and similar situations which may lead to the feelings of being ‘inferior’ or unworthy in a child may lead to the emergence of an emotional void in him/her. It is this void that they are trying to fill with the acceptance and love of the other person. It has also been observed that usually it is people with a low self-esteem who develop the tendencies of obsessive love. In case the other person is not a part of their lives anymore, they convince themselves that their return will automatically solve all their problems and make them happy again. They thus create an illusion for themselves and move farther and farther away from the truth. Also, the way a person learns to love is conditioned during his/her childhood. For example, a child who is not shown healthy love and affection during his formative years, may go on to have dysfunctional relationships later in life just to gain attention. Psychiatrists also believe that children from alcoholic families may be at a greater risk of developing love disorders and addiction. Other reasons for why this obsession makes way is that there is a lack of self-confidence in the person. This leads to insecurity, feelings of vulnerability and a perceived failure in their relationships. By Parul Solanki http://www.buzzle.com/articles/obsessive-love-disorder.html
Staying silent is like a slow growing cancer
to the soul and a trait of a true coward.
There is nothing intelligent about
not standing up for yourself.
You may not win every battle.
However, everyone will at least know
what you stood for—YOU.
Shannon L. Alder
Love is an emotion that is probably the most talked about, thought about, written about and not to forget, fantasized about thing in the world. While some would describe love as a tender and deep affection, others would associate the feelings with sexual passion and desire. In the initial phase of a relationship, there is an overwhelming and instant attraction towards one’s love interest which slowly moves on to become a tender and beautiful relationship based on companionship and trust. And while this is the expected culmination for all relationships, there are instances when these feelings of love turn into an obsession. The manic need to possess takes over and overrides the bond of trust and companionship that a couple shares. This disorder has its foundation in the insatiable fixation of wanting to possess the target of their obsession. The emotions that are experienced when in love, like mutual respect, trust and security, are overtaken by feelings of jealousy, insecurity and resentment. This then gives way to a painful and all-consuming obsession and preoccupation with an actual or wished-for lover. This insatiable longing either to possess or be possessed by the target of their obsession, and rejection by physical or emotional unavailability of their target can result in the perpetual fixation and compulsion to obtain the person they desire. The unnerving aspect is that a person might not even be in a relationship with the object of their desire or have (recently) separated from them… By Parul Solanki http://www.buzzle.com/articles/obsessive-love-disorder.html
This isn’t a crush, it’s obsession.
You are never not in my thoughts.
Your scent carries across a room
and paralyzes me with longing.
Part of me wants to set you on fire
and hold you while the flame
consumes us both.
From “Falling Under”
by Gwen Hayes
“Like everything in life, any time you take anything to an extreme—either you say “yes” to everything or “no” to everything—you’re going to be in a position that’s often untenable and often unhealthy,” says Dr. Nancy Elder, an assistant professor at the University of Cincinnati’s College of Medicine. We can get stressed out by nearly everything on the planet: money, women, money, personal problems, money, etc. The largest, however, may be the actual drive to become successful. A work hard and ye shall be rewarded kind of thing. It’s tough to work hard when you have extraneous obligations getting in the way of your main goal, though. “The most important thing that people who [say yes or no] well is to temporize,” Elder says. “It’s important to acknowledge the request. ‘Yes I hear you asking this. Yes I hear you asking to put this on my plate,’ then saying, ‘Give me twenty-four hours to think about this.’” There’s an old Zen saying that goes like this: “If you chase two rabbits, both will escape.” Keeping focus is one of the hardest things to do, but it’s a necessity to get where you want to be, and the ability to say “no” when you need to is an overlooked, under-appreciated tool able to help us get to that place. What it comes down to—well, what everything seems to come down to—is attaining balance. It’s about being ever-conscious about your decisions and never letting your ideal endgame get out of sight…and keeping the path up there as straight as possible. By Gin A. Ando http://www.primermagazine.com/2012/live/the-importance-of-learning-to-say-no-the-power-of-learning-to-say-yes
Learn to say ‘no’ to the good
so you can say ‘yes’ to the best.
John C. Maxwell
We find ourselves in a funny situation these days: We say “yes” to all the annoying schedule stretching requests, but say “no” to all the things that will help us grow as individuals. At its purist, basest form, learning to say “no” is about attaining goals. Even if a person is eternally pledged to help others, it’s still a goal. While the Internet is brimming with advice about how to become a go-getter, become a goal-oriented person, or a success story, what these lists actually do—aside from normalizing words like “achievement” to the point that even blinking is considered a monumental occasion—is glaze over what happens between creating the list of goals and hopefully, just hopefully, checking off the box next to the final item. Achievement necessitates a graceful marriage of assertiveness and fearlessness. It just so happens learning to say both yes and no at the right moment embodies these things. At its very core, though, saying no is a refusal. Indeed, “no” has begun to possess a connotation attached to it that makes its very usage seem insulting. …we’re adults, and adults are expected to take responsibility for ourselves. Besides, saying “no” puts everything to rest. We aren’t forced to make excuses… we’ll be stand-up guys and it cuts down on stress. By Gin A. Ando http://www.primermagazine.com/2012/live/the-importance-of-learning-to-say-no-the-power-of-learning-to-say-yes
A ‘No’ uttered from the deepest conviction
is better than a ‘Yes’ merely uttered
to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.