The essence of an I message is “I have a problem”… There are four parts to an I message:
* When … Describe the person’s behavior you are reacting to in an objective, non-blameful, and non-judgmental manner.
* The effects are … Describe the concrete or tangible effects of that behavior. (This is the most important part for the other person to understand – your reaction.)
* I feel … Say how you feel. (This is the most important part to prevent a buildup of feelings.)
* I’d prefer … Tell the person what you want or what you prefer they do. You can omit this part if it is obvious.
The order in which you express these parts is usually not important. Here are some examples: ” When you take company time for your personal affairs and then don’t have time to finish the urgent work I give you, I get furious. I want you to finish the company’s work before you work on your personal affairs.” “I lose my concentration when you come in to ask a question, and I don’t like it. Please don’t interrupt me when I am working unless it is urgent.” “It is very hard for me to keep our place neat and clean when you leave your clothes and other stuff lying around. It creates a lot more work for me and it takes a lot longer, and I get resentful about it. I’d prefer that you put your clothes away and put your trash in the basket.” “I resent it when your flirting with the women keeps you from having time for your work, because it means more work for me.” by Larry Nadig,Ph.D. http://www.drnadig.com/feelings.htm
Numbing the pain
for a while will
make it worse
when you finally feel it.
J.K. Rowling
