Everyone laughs when I tell them that I wrote “Codependency for Dummies”. But codependency is no laughing matter. It causes serious pain and affects the majority of Americans — and not just women or loved ones of addicts, as many people believe. So what is it? My definition is someone who has lost the connection to his or her core self, so that his or her thinking and behavior revolves around someone or something external, including a person, a substance, or an activity, such as sex or gambling. It’s as if codependents are turned inside out. Instead of self-esteem, they have other esteem, based upon what others think and feel. Instead of meeting their own needs, they meet the needs of others, and instead of responding to their own thoughts and feelings, they react to those of others. It’s a haywire system, because they have to control others to feel okay, but that just makes matters worse and leads to conflict and pain. It also makes emotional intimacy difficult. Some people criticize the codependency movement and say that it’s created more loneliness. They argue that relationships are nurturing and that we’re naturally meant to be dependent. I couldn’t agree more. The point is that codependent relationships are not only painful, but can be unsupportive and destructive. Codependents have problems receiving the good stuff that relationships can potentially offer. Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT http://psychcentral.com/lib/2012/problems-of-codependents/
We know perfectly well how to be spiritual.
It’s being human that we have trouble with.
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