Leaders in the codependency movement have been unable to arrive at one mutually acceptable definition of codependency. Each person brings a slightly different understanding. They all would probably agree, however, that people with several of these patterns have a codependent lifestyle:
1. Excessive dependence on things or people outside oneself
2. Accepting responsibility for others’ feelings or actions
3. Constantly trying to please others
4. Letting others dominate or abuse you
5. Neglecting one’s own needs
6. Having difficulty knowing one’s own feelings and wishes
7. A weak sense of personal identity and loss of touch with one’s real self
8. Difficulty setting realistic personal boundaries
9. Difficulty admitting that you are in a dysfunctional relationship
10. Excessive efforts to control or change one’s environment or people in it
11. Frequently feeling resentful
12. Being very fearful of rejection, or being left alone
13. Relationship problems growing out of a weak sense of self, excessive dependency, and efforts to control, change, or please others.
Most of us struggle occasionally with our identity or with wanting to control others or with setting boundaries or trying to please. But codependents don’t just struggle with a couple of these occasionally. They consistently rely on a codependent style as their basic way of relating to themselves and others. Jason T. Li. Ph.D. http://lifecounsel.org/pub_li_overcomingCodependency.html
No one magically becomes an adult
the day they turn eighteen.
Some people grow up sooner,
many grow up later.
Some never really do.