Male Codependence

“I wish my father would hug me.” That wish had always been there, a dormant yearning. But now, for the first time I was willing to acknowledge it – to myself. To some it may sound a bit strange. I mean, why would a 25-year old therapist recovering from chemical dependency get all worked up over a simple thing like hugging his father? I’ll tell you why. Because I am a co-dependent, an adult child of an alcoholic. Because like so many in our culture, I grew up in a troubled home filled with dysfunctional rules of co-dependency. That’s why. Moreover, because of my co-dependent family history, I now realize that much of my childhood had been lost. I learned young to take care of myself and to do without important nurturing that children need to get from their parents; caught between a hug and a hard place. Adult children of alcoholics are in a constant conflict over what they experience as a crazy separation within their own spirit. They grow up intellectually and many of them learn the social skills required in order to look healthy – but, like me, they’re faking it most of the time and guessing at what’s normal. Beneath that surface and behind that veneer is a chameleon-like identity. For example, I go to church and be one man and then go someplace else and be another, but as far as what’s on the inside, a chameleon doesn’t change. From “Lost In the Shuffle” by Robert Subby

Dear today;
I spend all of you
pretending
I’m okay when I’ not,
pretending I’m Happy
when I’m not,
pretending about
everything to everyone.
Nina LaCour