A chameleon can change color to blend in with its surroundings. A codependent man will change his likes and dislikes, opinions and thoughts, even how he dresses and the pastimes he enjoys to try to please someone he loves (or believes he loves). Seeing this as natural, but also as a great sacrifice the codependent man will in time begin to resent having to give up who he really is. Then he will expect the partner to change to fit him as he has changed to match her wants and needs. When that does not happen, as it rarely does, resentment starts and builds into inwardly focused raging sadness. Such a man will silently blame himself for not measuring up while at the same time outwardly blaming the woman he is in a relationship with. In the end he will most often demean and blame her until the point where she can’t take it any more and leaves the marriage all because he did not have the decency to let her go in the first place.
If you marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons,
then no matter how hard you work, it’s never going to work,
because then you have to completely change yourself,
completely change them, completely – by that time,
you’re both dead.
Anne Bancroft
