1. My feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you.
2. My mental attention is focused on you.
3. My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems.
4. My own hobbies/interests are put to one side for yours.
5. I feel your personal appearance is a reflection on me.
6. Your behavior is a reflection on me.
7. I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
8. I am not aware of what I want – I ask what you want.
9. The dreams I have for my future are linked to you.
10. My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.
11. My fear of your anger determines what I say or do.
12. I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.
13. I put my values aside in order to connect with you.
14. I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own.
15. The quality of my life is in direct relation to the quality of yours.
I used to spend so much time reacting and responding
to everyone else that my life had no direction.
Other people’s lives, problems, and wants set the course for my life.
Once I realized it was okay for me to think about what I wanted,
remarkable things began to take place in my life.
Learn more. Attend a CoDA meeting. Find one near you: