Male Codependence

Someone once said that codependency is needing others so much that a codependent becomes too afraid of losing someone to ask for what he wants. Or else, if I do ask for what I need a person may not be able to give it to me or choose not to. Simply asking to have my needs and wants met was a huge step and to this day presents a giant challenge. As a child I was taught to “shut up and be quiet” and that the desires of a kid did not matter. Things like being ignored when I had a horrible toothache and begged to go to the dentist taught formative dysfuction which followed me into adult life. Even though I have learned to ask to have my needs met by others (sometimes), I often feel guilty when I do. Even something as simple as asking a friend to help me my piano around is something I hesitate doing. Somehow it feels like I am being a burden if I ask. When I do manage to ask for and get help, it is empowering. As a recovering codependent I will always be one who jumps up too quickly to help others or give advice, but too slowly getting around to asking to have my needs and wants met. Doing a little better, a little at a time, is a rewarding struggle.

If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it.
If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.
If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.
Nora Roberts