Codependency frequently causes a person to have to be needed in order to feel loved. But ‘need’ is not ‘love’. A definition of the two words shows clearly how different they are. Need: a requirement, necessary duty, or obligation; a lack of something wanted or deemed necessary. Love: a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection, fondness and good will toward a person. Need is all about the person doing the needing. Love is about the other person who is loved. Just because someone needs you does not mean they love you. Ironically it’s the search to be needed that often keeps the codependent from finding the love he needs. When a need is filled for a codependent it is usually replaced by another need similar in similar fashion to how an addict is better for a short time with a fix, but soon will need another one. Need is like a rock; solid, hard and unyielding. Love is like water; flowing free, smooth and flexible. Need is the obstacle. Love is the way around it.
Immature love says:
‘I love you because I need you.’
Mature love says:
‘I need you because I love you’