One of my faults is not letting love in or worse yet, not even recognizing it when love is before me. One of the perils of feeling “less than” or “not good enough” is the tendency to discount love even when it is recognized. When I am aware of another’s love, it’s easy to find fault with it and the person it emanates from. How ironic since my deepest need and desire is to be loved and to matter to others. In hindsight, clearly I have walked right by love and never noticed it. At other times, I found too much imperfection to allow myself to believe in the love being expressed to me. I’ve had all the love I could have ever needed… and more. I regret that I let most of it slip away but am grateful for the lessons those losses taught.
Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean,
Tears from the depths of some divine despair
Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes,
In looking on the happy autumn fields,
And thinking of the days that are no more.
Alfred Tennyson
