To her husband , Virginia Woolf is said to have written “You cannot find peace by avoiding life”. In my time I found my ways of avoiding life by hiding in activity like flying airplanes or photography or juggling several romantic relationships at once. It sounds ridiculous now but I thought I was living life to its fullest. I never found more than momentary peace in any of it. In hindsight, I was actually running away from living by never allowing any real attention to be paid to what I was doing. There was a sense then I’d disintegrate if ever I slowed down to evaluate my actions. While I did not vaporize, those old ways of being had to be stopped before the start of recovery was possible. In more recent times I have become a good “waster” of time and found that peace comes best when it does not have a lot to compete with. Consequently what used to feel like “wasted time” is actually when a good bit of peacefulness is found today.
Running away will never make you free.