In the mind of the child within I grew up to believe love and pain were somehow attached together. Especially when there is overt physical, sexual or emotional abuse this happens, but my experience of more covert mistreatment like feelings of abandonment and lack of care brought me to conclude love and pain were but mirror reflections of the same thing. Suffering became a misplaced way to show caring. Such a perspective caused me to enter and stay in a number of relationships that were anything but healthy. The emotional roller coaster led me to falsely believe the intense emotions I was feeling came from true love. One can change this behavior I have come to know. It’s a slow process of learning awareness driven by a consistent desire to grow past old behaviors; difficult, but worth every ounce of effort.
There can be wounds that never show on the body
that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.
Laurell K. Hamilton