Throughout adulthood there have been consistent problems in my romantic love relationships. While I accepted that a part of the cause could be me, I was convinced the majority of the trouble was caused by the other person. So as a good codependent would, I set about trying to fix that person and show them the error of their ways. Earnestly I thought I knew what would “cure” a lover and thereby make our relationship near perfect. All she had to do was what I said. Today it is clear there actually was a relationship problem, but it was with my self. My avoidance was so strong and my denial so deep, there was no way to see that for many years. Even today trouble identifying what is “normal behavior” can be a challenge, but just knowing my tendencies is a big step forward.
It’s the most unhappy people
who most fear change.