When I was seven years old my Father left my Mother, younger Brother and me for life with another woman who was pregnant with his child. Clear is the memory of sitting on the bed by my Mom who had one arm around me and one around my Brother. Through tears she said our Dad was not coming back. She ended by looking me straight in the eyes saying “You’re the man of the house now. You’re gonna have to take care of your little brother.” I took what she said seriously and from that day forward I did whatever I could to look after of my little brother and beyond what should be expected of a kid. Whether it was giving him the larger piece of a candy bar we were splitting or cooking meals while my mother worked, I did all I could to care for him. Today I know the instruction my Mother gave me began ‘enmeshment’ and caused me to be far more serious about life than a seven-year old boy ever should. There lies the deepest root of my codependency. Whenever children are continually expected to act like adults they are being robbed of their childhood.
The day the child realizes
that all adults are imperfect,
he becomes an adolescent;
the day he forgives them,
he becomes an adult;
the day he forgives himself,
he becomes wise.
Alden Nowlan
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