Given that women are twice as likely to suffer with depression as men, there is a tendency – even in clinical diagnosis – to associate depression with symptoms more likely reported by women. These include sadness, hopelessness, trouble sleeping, changes in appetite, loss of interest in people and activities, and suicidal thoughts. According to the STAR-D study, there are physical differences in the overall pattern of depression symptoms between men and women which may go unnoticed: Whereas both men and women may report low mood as a symptom of depression, women are more likely to gain weight while men are more likely to lose weight; women report symptoms associated with anxiety while men report symptoms associated with obsessive –compulsive disorder; women feel less energetic and men typically feel agitated; and men are more likely to develop alcohol or substance abuse in conjunction with major depression. In his cross-cultural research on depression, Jules Angst, MD found that both men and women reported stress as a cause of their depression. Whereas women cited family as the primary source of stress, men were more likely to cite work and unemployment.
- Whereas women choose to share and disclose their stress as a way of seeking help, men are far less likely to disclose stress to others. More common in men than women, depression is often reflected in stress headaches, stomach problems and chronic pain – Something missed by men as well as the people around them.
- Also more common in men is the masking of feelings with anger, irritability or changes in behavior, such as becoming controlling and, in some cases, abusive or violent. It is unlikely that a partner will move closer to support someone whose pain is hidden by angry put-downs or abuse. By Suzanne Phillips, PsyD
about as close
as you get to
THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY FEEL: Think about falling in love. Really think about it for a minute. It is exhilarating. It can make you feel so alive! It can make you smile even in your sleep. But let’s be honest: falling in love is often scary, too. It’s scary because the emotions are so intense and so overwhelming that it’s hard to sort them all out. It can be so confusing to fall in love. If you don’t understand what you feel, your natural instinct is to hide from those feelings. If you see something you don’t like, your natural instinct is to shield your eyes. If you taste something you don’t like, your instinct is to spit it out! That’s a pretty graphic example, but you get the picture. When a man is afraid of his emotions, the first thing he does is trying to hide them away in a little closet far away from his heart. Getting over this reason to hide his feelings takes time. It takes some courage, too. But he can do it with plenty of reassurance from you. The more open you are, the more likely he will eventually talk about what he feels. And once he’s talking about it, he will understand it.
Feelings are not
supposed to be logical.
Dangerous is the man
who has rationalized
Why Do People Bottle Up Their Emotions?
* They are unable to fight back in an argument situation (eg the “opponent” is more dominant or it is someone of authority that it may impact their employment).
* They think that if they show their emotions it is a sign of weakness.
* They believe it is not normal to be feeling a certain way, so try to conceal their emotions from others.
* They are afraid of what other people might think.
* They feel that they have to deal with their emotions or problems on their own because “no one else will understand”.
* A situation may have occurred that has placed someone in shock and they just don’t know how to deal with it or they just block it out because don’t fully understand it makes them feel (or don’t feel) a certain way.
* They feel they have to be “the rock” for others.
* They don’t want to be hurt so they swallow their emotions back down.
What Happens When You Pent Up Your Emotions
* You can become crabby to be around & start snapping at other people for now reason.
* You get to a stage where you have bottled up your emotions to the point you “explode” – often the victims are loved ones, friends, co-workers.
* You turn to escapism (alcohol, drugs) for short-term solutions, to avoid confronting your emotions.
* You become depressed and numb and don’t know how to get out of the situation.
* Often the pent-up emotions will manifest themselves physically in the form of diseases…
* Some people commit suicide because they see no other way out.
Man is not what he thinks he is,
he is what he hides.
Love is an emotion that is probably the most talked about, thought about, written about and not to forget, fantasized about thing in the world. While some would describe love as a tender and deep affection, others would associate the feelings with sexual passion and desire. In the initial phase of a relationship, there is an overwhelming and instant attraction towards one’s love interest which slowly moves on to become a tender and beautiful relationship based on companionship and trust. And while this is the expected culmination for all relationships, there are instances when these feelings of love turn into an obsession. The manic need to possess takes over and overrides the bond of trust and companionship that a couple shares. This disorder has its foundation in the insatiable fixation of wanting to possess the target of their obsession. The emotions that are experienced when in love, like mutual respect, trust and security, are overtaken by feelings of jealousy, insecurity and resentment. This then gives way to a painful and all-consuming obsession and preoccupation with an actual or wished-for lover. This insatiable longing either to possess or be possessed by the target of their obsession, and rejection by physical or emotional unavailability of their target can result in the perpetual fixation and compulsion to obtain the person they desire. The unnerving aspect is that a person might not even be in a relationship with the object of their desire or have (recently) separated from them… By Parul Solanki
This isn’t a crush, it’s obsession.
You are never not in my thoughts.
Your scent carries across a room
and paralyzes me with longing.
Part of me wants to set you on fire
and hold you while the flame
consumes us both.
From “Falling Under”
by Gwen Hayes
Knowing how to love yourself is extremely important. Self love is at the very core of wellbeing, joy, self-empowerment, and your ability to create and enjoy the kind of life you want. You cannot enjoy happiness if you are not at peace with yourself. Your relationship with yourself is the most important one you’ll ever have. Not knowing how to love yourself can be severely debilitating. At the very least, you’re plagued by indecision and self-doubt. In more intense cases there is depression and self-hatred, which cripples you in every area of your life. The self-focused negativity cuts you off from your connection to your Life Force. Until you know how to love yourself there will be an inner war going on that divides your energy and sabotages your efforts to move toward happiness. Besides that, if you lack your own love you attract people and circumstances that mirror your negative beliefs and feelings about yourself. We draw to us the manifestations of what we FEEL. So, in order for you to draw in loving people and circumstances, you need to know how to love yourself first. To start building self-esteem, first listen to how you talk to yourself. You first have to be aware of a situation before you can change it. Do any of these thoughts sound familiar? “There is something wrong with me. I’m really messed up.” “I’m bad.” “It’s all my fault.” “I’m incompetent. I don’t know what I’m doing.” “I’m not (good, smart, attractive, rich, etc.) enough.” “I’m not as (good, smart, attractive, successful, etc.) as that person.” Until you learn how to love yourself, this is how you cripple yourself so that you can’t move forward or go after the things you want.
My primary relationship
is with myself:
all others are mirrors of it.
There are few disorders which can silently destroy the beauty of our being and gifts of our creation more than the multi-faceted and diverse symptoms of depression. Approximately 1 person in every 5 will become depressed at some point in their lives and one in 20 will be clinically depressed. Statistics suggest that women are more vulnerable to depression, but men generally find it harder to admit to or talk about their experiences. We should never try to dismiss the symptoms of depression and always take them seriously, they are never an inevitable part of growing up or growing old. It is possible to overcome depression, and to prevent its return. If we are suffering from depression it means that our brain and nervous system has reached a point where it has slowed down. In most cases it will do this because it is confronted with too much stress. Stress or imagined stress is very often the trigger for a panic attack. This stress may be related to current issues but far more likely an event has triggered a past experience which we have pushed down deeply within ourselves and which is not in our conscious self. When we are attacked by depression it seems impossible to function and to enjoy life as we should. Hobbies and friends don’t interest us as they used to, we feel exhausted all the time and just getting through the day can be massively overwhelming. Although, when we are depressed, things may feel hopeless, with help and support we can get better. Firstly we need the right tools and learning about depression, recognizing the signs, symptoms and causes, is the first step to beating this enemy. Richard Gosling
Your pain is the breaking of the shell
that encloses your understanding.
The past doesn’t exist. There is nothing to be sorry for. Today is when we start to live. Look… look at the sea. The sea has no past. It is just there. It will never ask us to explain. The stars, the moon are there to light our way, to shine for us. What do they care what might have happened in the past? They are accompanying us, and are happy with that; can you see them shine? The stars are twinkling in the sky; would they do that if the past mattered? Illdefonso Falcones
You spend your whole life
stuck in the labyrinth,
thinking how you’ll escape one day,
and how awesome it will be,
and imagining that future keeps you going,
but you never do it.
You just use the future
to escape the present.
Meeting a group of new people I sweat with discomfort worrying the whole time the impression I am making isn’t good. My concern is what thoughts of me they will be left with. Will they think I am dressed ok? Will I express myself in an intelligent way? Will I make others uncomfortable with the uneasiness I am feeling inside or will I successfully hide it? Such circumstances have happened so many times I wonder sometimes if I really know who I am. Is the real me the confident and in control persona I project? Or is the real me only the insecure and unsure feelings that swirl so strongly within me at times? Truth? Probably somewhere between the two. Slowly but surely with great effort I am learning to let go and not worry so much. It’s amazing the difference it makes in how much joy I get from getting to know new people. By enjoying myself more everything about life is better.
The “self-image” is the key to human personality
and human behavior. Change the self-image
and you change the personality and the behavior.
“Welcome to the United States, the worry capital of the world”. It’s ironic that in such a land of plenty, arguably the highest standard of living ever achieved, we chose to anguish over so much and so many trivial things. Everything from what car a man drives to who he knows are relatively meaningless things many American men worry about. Research has proven that as material comfort, food and healthcare has improved and the amount of leisure time has increased over the last 100 years, dissatisfaction with life has increased markedly. Personally I have achieved a quality of life I could never have even dreamed of when I was a kid. Yet, I too got caught up in the worry and dissatisfaction trap. Once this became clear to me, there was no choice but to begin to try to alter my behavior and my view of things. It took getting very uncomfortable with the way I had been before meaningful change began. While still a work in progress, being uncomfortable is a lot better than being dissatisfied!
Worrying is stupid.
Its like walking around with an umbrella
waiting for it to rain.
Asking for what I want and need from others is still frequently difficult. It used to be almost impossible. Most anything someone I cared about wanted, I’d do without question. Usually I’d do what was asked of me and then throw in a lot more that was not requested. Yet, I felt guilty asking for someone to do the same for me. It felt like I was imposing and it embarrassed me to ask even when the courage could be summoned. I’m better today, but asking for what I want and need is still damn difficult because it makes me feel weird; like I don’t deserve to have my needs and wants met. Relationships need to be a door that opens both ways. When efforts are allowed to mostly flow only one way, what is shared ends up half-way starved with one person burdened with too much received and the other far too little.
There are three things that a child can teach an adult:
To be happy for no reason;
To be always busy doing something;
And to know how to demand,
with all one’s might,
what one wants.