Having to repress your feelings, thoughts and dreams about yourself, and the fragile parts of the person you really were, is an unconscious form of cruelty imposed by your well-meaning parents during your early childhood. Many of the messages and forms of discipline that taught you to deny your real self were given to you by parents and other authority figures who believe they were doing it “for our own good.” As a child it was probably hard to believe that you needed harsh punishment, criticism, humiliation, shame, ridicule and neglect. Because you regarded your parents and teachers as intelligent, all-knowing protectors, you accepted their judgment and believed them when they told you it was all good for you and that you must really deserve it. It is also important to remember that your parents did the best they could with what skills and awarenesses they had and that the vicious cycle of cruelty is a very unconscious process. This is illustrated by the oath that many people make as a child that they will never treat their children the way they were treated. Yet, in disciplining their own children, they are often shocked to find themselves using the same kinds of punishment and frequently even the same words that were used to punish them as a child. From “Breaking Free of the Codependency Trap” By Barry Weinhold, Ph.D. and Janae Weinhold, Ph.D
Your children are not your children.
They are sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
The past doesn’t exist. There is nothing to be sorry for. Today is when we start to live. Look… look at the sea. The sea has no past. It is just there. It will never ask us to explain. The stars, the moon are there to light our way, to shine for us. What do they care what might have happened in the past? They are accompanying us, and are happy with that; can you see them shine? The stars are twinkling in the sky; would they do that if the past mattered? Illdefonso Falcones
You spend your whole life
stuck in the labyrinth,
thinking how you’ll escape one day,
and how awesome it will be,
and imagining that future keeps you going,
but you never do it.
You just use the future
to escape the present.
In recent times I have come to realize I am too darn serious much of the time. Of course, I laugh at a good joke, flash a smile and interact with others. However, when left to myself the expression I exhibit is overly solemn, even grim I have been told. Once awareness of being this way began, sorting out why came soon after. Simply, I get wrapped up in thought, focused inwardly and far too often am “future-tripping” or “wallowing in the past” with little awareness in the present moment. When I allow myself to get caught up in either the “before or after of now” what comes is either some sort of fear or regret to pull me inside myself. I am learning to mentally say “stop doing it” and reset myself to the current moment when I need to and guess what: I am not just happier on the inside but am told I look it on the outside a lot more too!
Self is the only prison
that can ever bind the soul.
Henry Van Dyke
When getting caught up in thinking too much what might happen I often end up “future tripping”. It’s then that “borrowing trouble” begins and I take a course of action that causes me harm. The injury comes first from not being aware enough to fully live life in the present. Second I harm my future by clouding my very existance with an obsession about outcome. Certainly planning ahead and having a view of what I want my possible future to be like is healthy then to do. But when I am fixated on it I become the walking dead in the present. Repetition of thinking “if I’d only thought ahead, I wouldn’t have this problem now” created my bad habit. Realization that problems are just a normal part of life and not caused by a flaw within changed how much worry and fretting I live with. It still happens, but less and less all the time. Living well in the present is my best insurance of a good future.
Worry is a misuse of imagination.
I have learned that if you must leave a place that you have lived in and loved and where all your yesteryears are buried deep, leave it any way except a slow way, leave it the fastest way you can. Never turn back and never believe that an hour you remember is a better hour because it is dead. Passed years seem safe ones, vanquished ones, while the future lives in a cloud, formidable from a distance. (From “West with the Night” by Beryl Markham)
Keeping baggage from the past will leave
no room for happiness in the future.
Wayne L. Misner
What is remembered of the past is largely a delusion and only a twisted representation of what actually went on. Thoughts focused on the future are mostly illusionary and will rarely turn out the way one imagines. The only true reality is this moment; the NOW. Life happens here and no place else. Want a better past and a brighter future? Live ‘now’ well and soon the future will become more of what you hope for and the recent past will begin to be one you are proud of. We each are the architect and builder of our life.
One problem with gazing too frequently
into the past is that we may turn around
to find the future has run out on us.