5. Feel some kindness toward your ex. “The most potent step you can take in your own healing,” Piver [Susan Piver in her book, The Wisdom of a Broken Heart"] writes, “is to extend loving kindness to your ex.” Although that seems counter-intuitive and next to impossible, the process of extending your heart to someone whom you have no intention of loving ever again, she says, can actually bring feelings of stability and peace to your inner mind. You don’t need to forgive or forget your ex’s past transgressions or stay in touch. (In fact, Piver says it’s a good idea to de-friend him on Facebook to keep from obsessing about his every move.) Your focus should be on letting go of anger. Piver recommends sitting in a quiet, comfortable place and spending a few minutes wishing yourself well—may I be happy, healthy, peaceful, accepting of myself—before wishing your ex the same. Remember that no matter how badly he treated you, he has the same longing as you: to find love and be happy.
6. Write the story of your relationship. Do it from the third-person point of view in three different writing sessions. First, tell about how this woman/man met this man/woman and how they fell in love. Then write about the love story and how it started going south. Finally, tell the story of the breakup: She said this; he did that. “Just taking that step back and looking at your circumstance as if you were describing someone else may sound silly, but it helps you bring a very valuable perspective,” says Piver. “And it also helps you look at your story from the stance of someone who’s OK instead of someone who’s embroiled in agony.” You might also gain some valuable revelations: what you miss about the relationship and what you don’t. By Deborah Kotz, Angela Haupt http://health.usnews.com/health-news/articles/2012/03/22/8-steps-to-mend-a-broken-heart
Every man has his secret sorrows
which the world knows not;
and often times we call a man cold
when he is only sad.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
I often hear the word “depression” being used to explain feelings of sadness, but sadness is a healthy reaction to events in our life. Depression is much more than just sadness. Depression can be described as like ‘living in a black hole’ and carrying a sense of impending doom. But often depressed people don’t experience sadness at all and instead can simply feel lifeless, empty, and apathetic. …depression is different from normal sadness as it can totally take over our day-to-day life, damaging our ability to function effectively in any capacity. We desperately look for relief from the intense and unrelenting feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness. Depression has a number of different causes which will be different from person to person and can occur through a combination of factors. With the exception of manic depression, it does not seem to be inherited through genes although some of us are more prone to depression than others. This is because of the way we’re made, or how our emotional system has responded to experiences or family background. Past experiences can have a profound effect on how we feel about ourselves in the present, and if those feelings are very negative, they can be the start of a downward spiral. In many cases, the first time someone becomes depressed, it will be sparked off by an unwelcome or traumatic event, such as losing a job, going through divorce, being physically attacked… It’s not just the negative experience that causes the depression, but how we deal with it. If the feelings provoked are not expressed or explored at the time, they fester and contribute towards depression. It’s important to acknowledge and grieve over what we have lost in order to be able to move on successfully. Richard Gosling http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/counsellor-articles/recognising-and-overcoming-depression
There is no point treating a depressed person
as though (he or) she were just feeling sad, saying,
‘There now, hang on, you’ll get over it.’
Sadness is more or less like a head cold
– with patience, it passes.
Depression is like cancer.