If you’re codependent and want to take control of your life, there are plenty of do’s to pay attention to, and at least as many don’ts. Do the following:
- Learn about chemical dependency. It’s a disease that thrives on ignorance.
- Talk to a therapist. Well-meaning friends and others untrained in the dynamics of addictions can do more harm than good.
- Contact Al-Anon or Codependents Anonymous. Attend several meetings before you decide if they’re for you. Each is listed in the white pages of the phone book.
- Be honest with your kids. They’re not deaf or blind when it comes to family problems. – Plain talk from you can relieve some of their fears and insecurities.
- Be patient. Change is difficult and slow. You won’t solve all your problems overnight, but you will improve your ability to cope and resolve problems with time.
Gayle Rosellini http://www.doitnow.org/pages/804.html
You’ll always get
what you’ve always gotten
until you become
the person you’ve never been!
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
What exactly does trusting the process mean? There are many definitions and examples: Non-attachment. Turning it over. That it is about the journey and not the destination. That we are not alone. That we are supported every step of the way. That there are no wrong choices. That every step of the way is sacred. Many may intellectually believe this, yet on an emotional, soul level may have doubts. Many carry deep wounding and trauma around whether “God” (or whatever name is used for a Higher Power) is even trustworthy. This may be a hidden, subconscious fear, yet it still affects our ability to trust that the proverbial other shoe is not always about to drop. Is it any surprise why someone with this fear would look for solace, comfort and joy in such “false gods” of addictions? It all starts with saying thank you, even when we don’t feel grateful. All that is required is a willingness to be open to the possibility of hope. Trusting the process is a daily spiritual practice of gratitude. It is similar to exercising. We may not feel like doing it in the beginning, or that we will ever be in better health, but we do it anyway and soon we start to feel better. The more we say thank you, the more we begin to feel it. And the more we begin to feel it, the more we begin to call into our lives what we want, rather than what we don’t. From http://www.sanctuary.net/healing-center/category/codependency/
Never be afraid to trust
an unknown future
to a known God.
Corrie Ten Boom
When I was eleven and twelve I prayed to God many times for the abuse from my stepfather to stop. It never did, so I grew up to believe that either there was no God or else He/She/It did not care about me. In adult life, my relationship with a Higher Power have been tenuous at best. My attitude for a long while was “if it is to be, it’s up to me”. I made myself my own God of sorts and felt whatever happened was by my own doing. Many years had to pass and my recovery had to begin before I could even admit the smallest possibility of a power beyond me. Even today I remain skeptical but accept there is something outside of me that is beyond my power to fully grasp and comprehend. Whether it is the power of the Universe, cosmic law or God the Creator does not materially matter to me. What does is believing in the possibility.
The human mind is not capable of grasping the Universe.
We are like a little child entering a huge library. The walls
are covered to the ceilings with books in many different
tongues. The child knows that someone must have written
these books. It does not know who or how. It does not
understand the languages in which they are written.
But the child notes a definite plan in the arrangement
of the books, a mysterious order which it does not
comprehend, but only dimly suspects.
As a child I remember being told to leave a healing scab alone. “Don’t pick at that! If you do it’ll leave a scar” was the instruction of the grown ups. Of course, I didn’t always listen well. I had to learn the hard way if you injure further a healing wound it truly can leave a worse scar than it might have other wise. The same has been true of emotional wounds of my adult life. My habit has been to pick at those hurts over and over not realizing I was making the injury worse and the blemish left behind more severe. Just like a sore on the skin “itches” as it gets better, abrasions of the heart and mind itch as well. But if I resist the urge to scratch, the compulsion passes quickly most of the time and I do no additional damage.
The wounds that never heal
can only be mourned alone.