Esteem most be generated from within and can then radiate outward. When we focus outwardly for approval, we are seeking it in the wrong place. And in so doing, we subordinate our authentic being in a vain attempt at happiness. Such fulfillment must be dependent and superficial and undermines our personal evolution. This process of external gratification is other-esteem. Self-esteem is not contingent upon others. When we set up this drama around approval, we create issues in regard to notions of rejection. The issue of rejection can be misleading. With a healthy self-esteem one doesn’t consider rejection. It is actually the rejecting of one’s self that inclines people to seek approval from others. In such cases, we’re not content with ourselves and so we solicit that acceptance from others. If that approval isn’t granted, we have a habit of claiming that we were rejected. In truth, we have rejected ourselves when we set others up as judge. The degree to which we are reactive to others opinions of us in likely inversely correlated to our level of self-esteem. Mel Schwartz L.C.S.W. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/shift-mind/201002/self-esteem-or-other-esteem
That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is.
Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love,
you keep pretending – performing. You get to love your pretence.
It’s true, we’re locked in an image, an act - and the sad thing is,
people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks.
They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are.
And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like
you’re trying to steal their most precious possession.