Detachment refers to separating ourselves from whatever we are obsessed with so we can begin working on our self. Since codependents are typically overly involved or attached to some problem or person outside of themselves, growth must involve giving up that over-involvement or preoccupation with trying to change, control, or please someone else. This requires letting go of the energy you are expending on worry over the other person. This is not hostile withdrawal, indifference, or avoiding your responsibilities to others. Instead, it is giving up your efforts to take other people’s responsibilities so that they can learn to take responsibility for themselves just as you are learning to take responsibility for yourself. We cannot fix problems that are not ours to fix, and all of our worrying, obsessing, and trying to help only perpetuate the problem. After all, as long as we are trying to fix someone, they don’t need to fix themselves, and we don’t have to fix our self! This may mean staying out-of-the-way as an alcoholic spouse or friend loses his job. It may mean getting a separate bank account and letting your mate suffer the consequences of his or her financial irresponsibility. It may mean giving up your role as a people pleaser. And it may mean saying no when you are asked to take on one more responsibility. These can be frightening steps, but you will never break the cycle of codependency unless you take them. You must disengage from your old codependent patterns. Jason T. Li. Ph.D. http://lifecounsel.org/pub_li_overcomingCodependency.html
When he has the power to see things
detached from self-interest
and from the insistent claims
of the lust of the senses,
then alone can he have the true vision
of the beauty that is everywhere.
Then only can he see that what is unpleasant
to us is not necessarily unbeautiful,
but has its beauty in truth.