I believed I developed codependent behaviors to cope with my fathers drinking, which resulted in constant fighting between my father and mother for twenty years until they divorced. I never felt safe to express my thoughts and feelings so I retreated inward and became invisible, the lost child. I wore a stoic stone face as a mask as if I were okay. My heart also became as numb as a stone. It has been said a codependent has a compulsive need to control an otherwise out of control life. This may be true as I experienced an out of control family life because of the unpredictability of my father’s drinking and anger outbursts. I took control by withdrawing and numbing all my feelings. I hid my thoughts even from my mother who assumed I was okay because I never expressed anything. I always felt ashamed of my family and my father’s drinking. As an adult, my relationships involved codependent behaviors, which I remained unaware of until my early 40’s. In these relationships, I avoided expressing any feelings for fear of rejection. The women in my life criticized me for lack of feeling. I felt like something was wrong with me. I questioned if I even had the capacity to love. http://www.emotionalhealthtips.com/codependency-recovery
Why is it that hate
comes out so easily,
yet…love?
It gets trapped inside.
Anonymous
