Wherever there is codependency, there is fear. Wherever there is fear, there is mistrust. And wherever there is mistrust, there is instability in the relationship. Ask yourself what you may be projecting onto your partner. Projection is a defense mechanism in which one’s unacceptable behaviors or thoughts are attributed to someone else. For example, a husband may insist he knows that his wife hates him when in fact it is he who has these feelings towards her. We all do this to some extent, but sometimes all we see is what we want to see. Our blinders keep us from keeping our relationship real because we have unrealistic expectations of our partner based on our projection of what we want them to be vs. who they really are. Excerpt #2 from “He Said, She said: Codependency vs. true love — how to tell them apart” By Hanalei Vierra, Ph.D. and M’Lissa Trent, Ph.D.
To fear love is to fear life,
and those who fear life
are already three parts dead.
Bertrand Russell
